What to do?
When a Coworker has a Crush on you…
Kidding? Crush? Me?
Yeah! … Some of us probably do not have any earlier experience of such giggles and having butterflies in stomach. And then one day, you get some hints that someone in your work has a crush on you. So, in that case what could be your next step?
One thing we should know, that when we realised about our co-worker having a crush, we feel something, this could be a confused state of mind or an excitement or possibly you may get irritated or tensed.
Now if we talk about, us getting confused, (yes, I understand) i.e “Why, me”, which is acceptable, although we know all of us are worth loving, and we do love ourselves.
Apart, when we become excited about it, to which I will add that definitely at first, we can have such feelings. But keep it in mind that ‘feeling’ doesn’t mean ‘acting’, you should not take immediate action to this.
On the other hand, some of us become pessimistic. From professionalism, yes, dating a Co-worker is not allowed in many organisations and has other hindrances as well; yet being pessimistic is not a good option.
But from where does this fear or irritation come from? Well, definitely, when you are somewhere aware about the consequences of such an act. So, what are those?
When you think about someone whole day, a sudden attachment is possible with that person and you cannot wave off such feelings easily.
Therefore, remembering that your feelings do not control you is a better option.
You should know, there is less chance of a long time relationship (or commitment) in an office romance. This will not work out easily.
These types of behaviour our wildly inappropriate in offices. Most of the Companies have such No-Dating Policy for Co-workers, and yes, if we will break it, we may end up losing our job.
Being in Corporate, try to avoid such affections or relations at work place, as they somewhere questions our Professionalism.
If we look to accept such attractions to fulfil certain smooth functioning of needs, then this wouldn’t appreciated, as when the person will realise that they’ll start thinking less favourably. Which we know, is not beneficial.
Gossips and rumours are never in favour to any person being the topic. We should protect our place, and try to avoid becoming the target of gossips, otherwise the situation may get worse.
If we as a supervisor or that respective person as a senior, indulge in such an action then it shows irresponsible behaviour of the senior, and this may risk the authority as well as our career can be in jeopardy.
Now when we come cross such consequences, nobody will plan to go ahead with such costly relations. When I (personal experience) realised, I said “No, don’t even think about it.”
But however, as humans we become soft in nature in case of love, affection, etc. Therefore, sometimes our heart asks what if “that person, is the one”, or some other quotes to inspire our steps in favour to that person.
It’s really a good self motivating feeling and boosts up our confidence. We start loving ourselves more and improve our personality to higher expectations.
So, what is the plan? Go for it, or not?
Well that’s your decision; we will be having two options, either to stop it or to build a relation.
Let’s find out in details –
Through this we are planning to ward off such circumstances, i.e. when someone at your workplace / co-worker has a crush on you.
There are certain preliminary diplomatic measures that can ward off such unwanted flirtations, like, do not over-react to their sweet words (what if they are chatty to every second person?). Give a complete ignore to their flirting words, you can try being a dumb person also.
You can pretend that your boss is watching your work behaviour, and try and be serious about your productivity. Limit you counter, try to ignore doing lengthy conversation with them, and stick to business.
What simplifies the situation is that if there are strong hints that an infatuation is not mutual, hints like lack of response to their efforts, body language, behaviour, etc. These hints stop the co-worker from trying to take the efforts to next level as most people prefer to avoid rejections.
Make it clear to the person that you respect them as a co-worker, but you do not have any other kind of feelings towards him or her, you want to keep working and also hope that your views won’t change that.
One should have confidence that we have the ability to set our boundaries and right to work as a professional, and stick to that. If then also, you receive goofy notes, e-mails, or any inappropriate gift/(s), straight away go to your supervisor/manager. As a good Supervisor / manager, he/she is required to listen carefully and take quick actions, as such behaviour can become sexual harassment and company will become liable to big amount.
In whatever format (directly, mails, etc) you say ‘Not thanks’ to that person; you should keep your job as primary function. Do not feel guilty, as you have not pursued such step because you were not serious about it. Sooner or later, things will go back to their place and the concerned person will remain as just another co-worker at your work place.
Through this we are planning to go with the flow and establish a relation with your co-worker, keeping in mind that both of you are interested to move.
These feelings are new, so it becomes necessary to read that person’s true intentions. What is he / she quickly moves to another with the same act or words, which is a trouble to office environment. If he / she continue to behave same with others, do inform your supervisor.
This may sound strange, but if you have planned to continue a relation with a co-worker then your manager should know about it. It’s better to confront and inform your intentions (before he/ she get know from rumours), so that situations can be handled accordingly in near future. Whether you accept or not, but this is Manager’s Business to know about his /her Subordinates.
If there’s some reason that things might workout, one of you should transfer to another department or job before asking for date. Especially, this act becomes important, if one of you is superior.
Establish ground rules on how to engage in the office, you are infatuated from him/her but such acts are not appreciated at work, so set up certain office terms for smooth functioning.
This feeling is awesome, so do not let yourself regret about it. You are allowed to enjoy the excitement. Keep yourself slaying with confidence.
Now, there are two ways, whichever you will decide will be your own judgement, whether you want to feel it and act or you want to stay professional and end it.
Although, work is a common place for such kind of infatuations, crushes are also possible when men and women are thrown in a high pressure atmosphere.
What you are required to make sure that, you somehow have not encouraged this behaviour. Don’t blame yourself, but review your actions to be sure you haven’t sent any mixed message.
Also, if there is any core specific reason that you are not looking for any kind of relation, try and avoid explaining such reasons as they may build a hope that things may work if the reason will be no longer there.
Do not, I repeat do not think it as guilt, it’s your right to be vocal enough for other person to understand, and take steps if things are about to get worse.
When you have finally explain your views and have made your lack of interest understood, get back to your work. Such crushes are a minor annoyance that will soon fade from your memory and won’t get in the way of tackling the next project.