When a Coworker has a Crush on you…
Kidding? … Crush? … Me?
Yeah! … Some of us probably do not have any earlier experience of such giggles and having butterflies in the stomach. And then one day, you get some hints that someone in your work has a crush on you. So, in that case, what could be your next step?
One thing we should know, that when we realised our coworker having a crush, we feel something, this could be a confused state of mind or excitement or possibly you may get irritated or tensed.
Now if we talk about, us getting confused, (yes, I understand) i.e. “Why, me”, which is acceptable, although we know all of us are worth loving, and we do love ourselves.
Apart, when we become excited about it, to which I will add that definitely at first, we can have such feelings. But keep it in mind that ‘feeling’ doesn’t mean ‘acting’, you should not take immediate action to this.
On the other hand, some of us become pessimistic. From the professionalism, yes, dating a Coworker is not allowed in many organisations and has other hindrances as well; yet being pessimistic is not a good option.
But from where does this fear or irritation come from? Well, definitely, when you are somewhere aware of the consequences of such an act. So, what are those?
Consequences of dating or having a crush on your coworker include:
1. Thinking and thinking –
When you think about someone the whole day, a sudden attachment is possible with that person and you cannot wave off such feelings easily.
Therefore, remembering that your feelings do not control you is a better option.
2. Know the risk –
You should know, there is less chance of a long time relationship (or commitment) in an office romance. This will not work out easily.
3. What does the rule say –
These types of behaviour are wildly inappropriate in offices. Most Companies have such a No-Dating Policy for Coworkers, and yes, if we will break it, we may end up losing our job.
4. Professionalism –
Being in Corporate, try to avoid such affections or relations at workplace, as they somewhere question our Professionalism.
5. What if? –
If we look to accept such attractions to fulfil certain smooth functioning of needs, then this wouldn’t be appreciated, as when the person will realise that they’ll start thinking less favourably. Which we know, is not beneficial.
6. Talk of the show –
Gossips and rumours are never in favour of any person being the topic. We should protect our place, and try to avoid becoming the target of gossips, otherwise, the situation may get worse.
7. Superior: Subordinate –
If we as a supervisor or that respective person as a senior, indulge in such an action then it shows irresponsible behaviour of the senior, and this may risk the authority, as well as our career, can be in jeopardy.
Now when we come to cross such consequences, nobody will plan to go ahead with such costly relations. When I (personal experience) realised, I said “No, don’t even think about it.”
But however, as humans, we become soft in nature in case of love, affection, etc. Therefore, sometimes our heart asks what if “that person, is the one”, or some other quotes to inspire our steps in favour of that person.
It’s really a good self-motivating feeling and boosts our confidence. We start loving ourselves more and improve our personality to higher expectations.
So, what is the plan? Go for it, or not?
Well, that’s your decision; we will be having two options, either to stop it or to build a relation.
Let’s find out in details –
When you want to handle it professionally:
Through this, we are planning to ward off such circumstances, i.e. when someone at your workplace/coworker has a crush on you.
1. Early Calculations:
There are certain preliminary diplomatic measures that can ward off such unwanted flirtations, like, do not over-react to their sweet words (what if they are chatty to every second person?). Give a complete ignore to their flirting words, you can try being a dumb person also.
2. Work Excuses:
You can pretend that your boss is watching your work behaviour, and try and be serious about your productivity. Limit your counter, try to ignore doing lengthy conversation with them, and stick to business.
3. No Interests:
What simplifies the situation is that if there are strong hints that an infatuation is not mutual, hints like lack of response to their efforts, body language, behaviour, etc. These hints stop the coworker from trying to take the efforts to next level as most people prefer to avoid rejections.
Make it clear to the person that you respect them as a coworker, but you do not have any other kind of feelings towards him or her, you want to keep working and also hope that your views won’t change that.
5. Corporate Rights:
One should have confidence that we have the ability to set our boundaries and right to work as a professional, and stick to that. If then also, you receive goofy notes, e-mails, or any inappropriate gift/(s), straight away go to your supervisor/manager. As a good Supervisor/manager, he/she is required to listen carefully and take quick actions, as such behaviour can become sexual harassment and the company will become liable to a big amount.
6. End of Feelings:
In whatever format (directly, mails, etc) you say ‘Not thanks’ to that person; you should keep your job as a primary function. Do not feel guilty, as you have not pursued such a step because you were not serious about it. Sooner or later, things will go back to their place and the concerned person will remain as just another coworker at your workplace.
When you want to go for affections:
Through this we are planning to go with the flow and establish a relationship with your coworker, keeping in mind that both of you are interested to move.
1. First stage:
These feelings are new, so it becomes necessary to read that person’s true intentions. What if he/she quickly moves to another with the same act or words, which is a trouble to the office environment? If he/she continues to behave the same with others, do inform your supervisor.
2. Manger’s Business:
This may sound strange, but if you have planned to continue a relationship with a coworker then your manager should know about it. It’s better to confront and inform your intentions (before he/ she get to know from rumours) so that situations can be handled accordingly in near future. Whether you accept or not, but is Manager’s Business to know about his /her Subordinates.
3. Professional priorities:
If there’s some reason that things might work out, one of you should transfer to another department or job before asking for a date. Especially, this act becomes important, if one of you is superior.
4. Working out conditions:
Establish ground rules on how to engage in the office, you are infatuated with him/her but such acts are not appreciated at work, so set up certain office terms for smooth functioning.
5. Stay confident:
This feeling is awesome, so do not let yourself regret it. You are allowed to enjoy the excitement. Keep yourself slaying with confidence.
Now, there are two ways, whichever you will decide will be your own judgement, whether you want to feel it and act or you want to stay professional and end it.
Although work is commonplace for such kind of infatuations, crushes are also possible when men and women are thrown in a high-pressure atmosphere.
What you are required to make sure that, you somehow have not encouraged this behaviour. Don’t blame yourself, but review your actions to be sure you haven’t sent any mixed message.
Also, if there is any core specific reason that you are not looking for any kind of relation, try and avoid explaining such reasons as they may build a hope that things may work if the reason will be no longer there.
Do not, I repeat do not think of it as guilt, it’s your right to be vocal enough for another person to understand, and take steps if things are about to get worse.
When you have finally explained your views and have made your lack of interest understood, get back to your work. Such crushes are a minor annoyance that will soon fade from your memory and won’t get in the way of tackling the next project.