Robert Frost once wrote:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference.
And all my life I have been following it, opting different-difficult challenges in academics and other phases, testing my abilities, doubts and fear of change, etc.
I tried different ways, risked it and win it over. But sometimes even those small wins may lead you towards greed of more, over-confidence and you start taking pride in yourself.
Possibly, you may get confused with that pride, it could make you arrogant or could even make you feel belittled. You may get the feeling that you are left on the road where you no more can understand why you are walking, what’s with all this you are doing? You could’ve done something more worthy.
And with the passage of time, these questions get numbered with other confusions and doubts. Either you may think that you are ahead of your generation or you realise that you’re losing it behind.
One more, my personal favourite doubt, about ‘who’s controlling whom’, you are responsible for your Do’s or your actions are being just the reflection of getting influenced by others.
Hell of a question bank that fights in your mind! Right?
Sometimes such mind situations play with you, let’s say, you are always proud of your achievements and activities you did in school-colleges and then suddenly you realised that you are no more an active person, or an energetic one, not anymore in the same way you thought you were in your life. You feel that your work quality, your health, everything, is decreasing, even though it may not.
Even though you are doing great, everyone around you is not going to behave the way you thought they would’ve and even if they are in your favour you might not notice and may think otherwise because of the chaos in your mind.
Now due to this chaos, the worst thing you can do at that time is displaced aggression i.e. to react your thoughts/anger on your loved ones.
The worst thing that I believe happened to me was that I simply started hating the person because of whom all these bad introspections started. It may sound right to you, but I mentioned it as my worst. Why?
(I know, you are probably asking, “why I’ll be interested in her story?”. Believe me, people, the next part is the essence of this article.)
So tell me, ever happened that one thing that you’ve been doing so far as a passion and then you finally get the idea of how you can make money from your hobby, it showed you the way of earning through your leisure time.
And then a day-by-day, your every step towards your goal is making you proud because you’re achieving and developing in it. Time to become the ‘Pro’ in your game!!
But suddenly when you are about to become a professional at that task, someone says you were doing it all wrong. Imagine!!
And that someone is not a random person, he/she is (let’s say) your best friend, your sibling or could be your parents and they are pointing out all your weak points so that you can fill in space or can brush them up.
Now, you may think of it as a good sign and gesture that before you would have fallen down and get bruises, someone saved you from it. Right?
Are you thinking, “She’s kiddish.”? Best friends, siblings, parents are the ones who love us and are loyal. They think for our best.
I may not be sure, but at this point of time, I am not able to fight my thoughts.
It’s difficult to adjust that so far I was not developing, I was just wondering with a fake pride in my mind. And on the other hand, because of this, I kept on expecting some good points and appreciation from them.
As for me, my efforts were a ‘+one’ of all I did till this time. And so I expect at least an appreciation for trying, for coming to this level. But got none, cause for them it was a way of negative motivation for me, but despite motivating it did demotivate me.
We sometimes are unexpected of the expected and it’s crazy-confusing.
I am stuck in this vicious circle of contradicting thoughts that I sometimes look for, believing what the elders said as a ‘Messiah’ that I got who saved me and as a ‘wasted personality’ what my mind is pointing out that asked questions about my existence.
And in the end, all these made me hate everyone, including that person and me. But I did come across another question that ‘what would have happened otherwise?’, all these could have been my best hindrances to overcome by.
But as same as I have been following, I took the road that I believe was less travelled by. And positive or negative, it did make a difference.
Of course, I don’t have an ending to this, because the doubts within have no endings too, but still, I hope that if anyone of you going through or been through the same can share and enlighten me with clarifications.
Thanks for your humble gesture!!
Get to know the author – Nikita Sinha
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